What Nigerian men call Wife Material and connection-material


By Monioro Ebiyemi Ese Mee

For the first three years of my relationship, I crossed my legs and watched t.v while he cooked, and I’m going to tell you WHY?

I know if we have to check my wife materialness based on what Nigerian men call wife material, my dear I don’t think mine is up to 10yards of Indian lace. Yes!  You are free to think what you like.

I try my best not talk about boy/girl issue, so people won’t come to my inbox to dance “Igbe” in the name if correcting my views and opinion but this story is beyond me. The matter dry my flesh, burst my veins and suck moisture commot for my bones (it didn’t make sense in English).

So I have this neighbour, cute, well mannered, hardworking, selfless 100 bundles of Denim husband material, young man. He works with one of the new generation banks.

For the sake of this story let’s just call him Banker. Now Banker has this lovely 100bundles of Indian lace wife material girlfriend who is a biochemist. She works in a lab. So let’s just call her Chemist.

Now Banker and Chemist have been together since forever. She leaves work at 5pm, goes to market, buy stuffs and come to Bankers house to get busy making better food for the dude. She will clean, wash, sometimes fetch water and even wake up early next morning to make breakfast so he can be served in bed. You could hear them from the bedroom window being all romantic, he’ll praise her cooking skills and tell her how he feels loved because she always honours him. She does this like 2weekends in a month.

Photo credit:hopefornigeria.com

Meanwhile, Banker has this other girl who is a doctor. They met just a year and a month ago. Doctor comes during weekdays around 2pm most times and sleeps until banker returns from work. When banker returns, sometimes 7pm, 9pm, 11pm, he will start going upandan like waist beads to make food, sometimes fetch water, sometimes he walks out to look for drink for Doctor. Doctor doesn’t touch anything in that house.

Even when Banker  was on leave. He went to the market by himself, blended his beans for moi-moi by himself, made his freaking moi-moi by himself, washed his clothes while Doctor sat with him and just gisted about the funny side of her job. Sometimes she will just be on the phone and other times she just slept.


Of course, his friends liked Chemist. She cooked for them and she is wife template to them. So they told whoever cared to listen that doctor was side chick and not wife material. She is too proud and can’t take care of a home. To be honest both girls are decent and respectful. Also, Doctor is not proud. She is very nice and down to earth but we know how guys can be. If she doesn’t play by our cards then she ain’t good enough.

Anyways, during Christmas, Chemist came around and did a rooftop to floor cleaning of the house, got rid of unnecessary clutters and even bought stuffs she thought the house needed banker came home on the 24th and didn’t recognise his own house. The food was wow, I just kept mine aside and devoured the portion she gave us with neighbourly love. She even treated her Ore-Oko to pounded yam, not poundo yam.

Fast forward to New Year Doctor was off duty, she came in at 2pm after Chemist had dropped off home made food and travelled to see her parents at Abeokuta. She ate Chemist’s food and Banker went to look for Fayrous because he only had coke and she didn’t want it. Doctor left at 5pm.

Fast forward to yesterday:

Him: Mummy Femi, I want to give you something.

Me: Okay

Him: This is my invitation card I am getting married in May.

Me: that’s nice. Congrats. I opened the card and it was Doctors name on it.

Him: it’s your friend I am marrying finally

Me: laughs in surprised mood, (since when is any of them my friend) then form singing and dancing “we will eat jollof rice o with big big meat and plenty juice” I entered my house o before he starts his guilt trip explanation.

Later my friend and Banker and one of his buddies knocks on my door. Hmnh?

Let me just conclude the story here.

Why tell the world you want standard wife material when you actually want business material

So it turned out they came for the invitation Banker gave me. When Banker and his friend left, my friend told me the friend advised him to come collect it.

My friend and Banker are very close because her husband and Banker are from the same village. So they call him brother.

So she told me how she was shocked when she heard the news too because he has been with Chemist for 6years and only just met Doctor at their child’s christening.

When they asked him why he picked doctor, he said it’s not because of love o, because he loves chemist and if he hadn’t met Doctor he would have married chemist last year.

Why is Banker choosing Doctor?


According to him, Chemist is the best for him but he has reasons for choosing doctor. First we don’t know the way forward for Nigeria. Second, Doctor is widely travelled. Third, connection, doctor’s father is highly connected and he wants the best for his wife and kids. The funniest thing is: It was his friends that drew his attention to the fact that there is more to gain from Doctor. My friend said,  Doctor like me a lot and wants me to really attend her wedding but because I hardly came out of my flat she thinks I am not approachable.

Banker is moving to his new place

Anyways, came back from church and there was a moving van in the compound, Banker is moving to his new place. Is Chemist aware?  Nope and she was here just last weekend.

The friends think I am the weak link here, because my friend is loyal to banker she won’t say anything but giving me invite is a setup. According to the friend, I am not on anybody’s side and I will spill if chemist comes to me. This is because Chemist had mentioned once during our compound Easter get together that she wishes to be close to me. So they think I prefer her. Abeg what is my own there?

Funny thing is, the invite came out since December and people are already criticizing him and I didn’t even know. So while I was busy wondering how Chemist would feel when she comes next week and the house is empty, Grandma comes to my kitchen window with my friend: Iyawo and mummy femi. Me I don call the girl say he dey pack.



I almost fainted. I have never been in this kind of situation so I have no idea what to do. Every other person is asking Grandma to call her and tell her not to come that someone is moving into the empty flat. I am just there looking like I have been hit by a bus. If she does come I have no idea what is going to happen.

Why I decided to post it up here?

6years and you didn’t know you wanted connection and good life for your family? Why start a new relationship for the fun of it after 6years. Why tell the world you want standard wife material when you actually want business material.

Doctor is a good girl and very homely. She can cook, clean and all of the things guys think they want but the guy is not even marrying her for it or even love, I don’t think good sex sef. Just gains.

Here is the issue:

Some guys gave up on girls in the dating stage because these girls didn’t play wife. So some girls have resolved to playing wife because they think it’s what the guys want and that is what will keep the relationship. As a matter of fact some guys insinuate that they want such girls and at the end of the day walk out on them when they get them.

This post is not for guys to come and defend anything. I know all guys are not the same so don’t bother justifying. For the first three years of my relationship, I crossed my legs and watched t.v while he cooked.

This post is not even to castigate girls who enjoy doing chores because I know girls who actually do it for fun.

This post is to tell girls that there are guy who look for material things too so be careful not to fall a victim.

Now as to why I said I no be wife material based on Nigerian guy standard. I didn’t play wife before I got married, I cooked when I want the food to taste my way. I didn’t wash anything except the plate I ate with, and even as a married lady, I am just an over indulged, spoilt wife. The dude is busy helping me blend pepper so my work can be fast and I am here typing story. All this 1yard satin wife material of now a days.

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