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Bitch 1

Deji and I were just getting the spark we needed in our relationship after visiting a counselor to help our relationship blossom.

This tall, dark and well chiseled man smelled like bubble gum and knew his fashion and bedroom onions.

He was a complete gentleman who understood the meaning of ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ and also used them appropriately.

He opened doors for me and allowed through first. He held my arm and waist in public and was not ashamed to show me off to friends.

He would lean in once in a while to peck my ear or whisper sweet crazy words. It felt like heaven.

We stayed indoors and cooked (of course I did most of the cooking he did the eating), he brought me tea and toast in bed once, and we even managed to polish my nails a hundred times because it kept going bad – don’t ask how or why. Not telling that part.

Who said Nigerian men are not romantic? You obviously haven’t met a Deji. All I can say is the session worked wonders. It brought out my man from this man.

I’m sure you’re wondering where you can find such a dude, right? Well, he is mine. (or used to be).

The problem started one evening after a very hot session. He was in the shower and his phone rang. As a loving babe, I picked the phone and was about handing it to him when I noticed the caller’s name was saved as ‘Bitch 1’.

I wasn’t going to let this call dampen our new burning flame so I immediately picked the call,
‘Hey girl, in case you don’t know, your name is saved as bitch on his phone. This is his wife speaking so don’t ever call this line again. Every business you had with Deji is over, you heard?’

I dropped the call before she could even respond and immediately wiped the memory of such call and in fact went the extra mile to delete her number from his phone.

I was happy that the message sank properly when she did not call back. I knew my Deji was safe once more. He was mine and only mine. (Of course I checked to confirm that my name was not ‘bitch 2’ or any other ‘bitch’, you don’t need to ask. Duh!). My number was neatly saved as ‘My Eternal Love’. (awwww).

Well, the weekend passed too quickly and my Mr. Perfect stormed in with a face that looked like Hulk’s. I was terrified but he just breathed,
‘It’s over’.
‘Excuse me?’sandras-corner

Trust me; those words came out before I could arrange any reasonable diplomatic words. His next words were
‘I was fired’
And I thought, well that’s what he meant by, ‘it’s over’ so I switched to the caring lady that I am. (You better not ‘yinmu’).

Anyway he narrated that his boss had fired him for not being able to separate his family and business life. He explained that the boss had called to ask him to represent HER to a client… my mind slipped at the thought and then I screamed…

‘Deji HER? You told me that your boss is a man; remember? And how come you saved your boss’ phone number as ‘bitch 1’?’

‘She… she was just transferred and… and she drives me nuts; that’s why.’ he stuttered
“se nkan se bobo yi?” I wondered.

Obviously this dude had forgotten that he told me that his boss was a man. Or was he joking right now? Well, our fight escalated when he realized he had goofed – BAD.

He resorted to staying angry claiming that I violated his privacy by picking his call and accused me of having trust issues. (Hian!)

Guys sha… How come he doesn’t realize that I am offended that he lied to me in the first place?

Shiioooo. Yeye dey smell.
Till next time o jare.